Mozenrath's Hip New Fast Food Chain
by The Obsidian Angel
Summary: Mozenrath just lost another battle to that poofy haired street rat and to top it off, his citadel has been destroyed. But when life gives you lemons...


Authors Note: Okay, keep in mind that I just got off of a one year Writer's Block problem, so it's definitely not my best. I just found myself in a third childhood yesterday and decided, why not write a Mozenrath story?

* * *

"ARGH!" An aggravated Mozenrath cursed as he made his way home after yet another defeat, his hands clenched mercilessly into fists. Why did Aladdin always have to win? There wasn't anything particularly special about him. The only thing on his side was luck. _Dammit_. He cursed again. He knew it hadn't been a good idea to split the pole earlier.

"Come Xerxes!" he grumbled, pulling out a sheet of parchment, two quills, and some ink from the back of his mamluck driven carriage. If there was one thing he was good at, it was tic-tac-toe. He'd never lost_ there_. Dipping his quill in ink, he looked up thoughtfully. Perhaps he'd challenge Aladdin to a game. How good could the street rat be?

After sketching out the four intersecting lines, he placed an 'O' in the middle. "Your turn, Xerxes". He looked across the seat expectantly. Xerxes just floated there...

Stupid minions with no hands... _Why_ had he hired him again? "Well, go on! Use your tail!"

Xerxes attempted to hold the quill with his tail, but it just slipped out again. He gave it another try, but this time it slid straight out of the window.

Mozenrath stared at Xerxes for a time before crumbling the parchment to bits. "Just what the hell is_ YOUR PURPOSE?_" He flung the material at his right hand eel along with the bottle of ink and two unlucky mamlucks' heads.

Xerxes fled to the opposite side of the carriage and quivered incessantly against the seat.

"Stupid eel", Mozenrath muttered, toying with his glove. Perhaps it hadn't been strong enough in today's battle. Perhaps he'd damaged it when baking cookies the other day...

"Um..." grunted Destane the Mamluck from the front of the carriage.

Or maybe when he cleaned out the toilet...

"Mozenrath..."

He would have to make his servants do that from now on...

"Mozen-"

"Can't you see I'm _thinking_?"

Destane raised a shaken finger in front of them and Mozenrath gazed up to see a rather strange fixture. Instead of his beautiful black sand, hard concrete material covered the ground. On top of it stood a small building with a red roof, small glass doors, and a huge yellow 'M' at the top.

"What the hell?" Mozenrath seized Destane by the throat. "Where are we? Take me back home or so help me I'll-"

"Master!" Xerxes called and motioned to the surrounding sand dunes with his tail.

Mozenrath scanned the area and loosened his hold on Destane. Xerxes was right. This_ was_ home. But where was his beloved citadel? He spotted a group of men in orange and yellow not too far off and started towards them in a huff. Just who the hell did they think they were invading his private space? He would ask if they'd passed his home and find out where it was before obliterating them.

One of them saw him coming and turned around, as did the others.

"Hey there" The first one waved, looking him up and down strangely. "Don't think I've seen you around here be-"

"_I_ am _Mozenrath_. Lord of the Black Sand and soon to be ruler of the cosmos", he proclaimed. "Have you seen my house?"

The men scratched the back of their heads, confused. Finally a young boy with a southern accent spoke up.

"Ya mean that big, dark, evil place with all the weird thingamajiggers in the basement?"

Mozenrath nodded. "That's the one".

"We destroyed it"

Mozenrath blinked before breaking out into a fit of laughter and abruptly stopping. "No, really. Where is it?"

"Destroyed it". The boy motioned to the strange new fixture. "It was right there, see? But we figured it was gettin in the way of our new McDonald's. Nobody'd wanna come if that big scary castle was sittin there. So we had to get it out the way fer business, ya see?"

Any color that had resided in Mozenrath's face was slowly draining. "And my weapons?"

"The thingamajiggers?" the boy asked with an ignorant grin. "Destroyed them too! Mashed em into a pile of junk and buried em about... how many feet in the ground, Bob?"

"I'd say five thousand, Billy"

"Thanks, Bob", Billy put his hands to his hips. "Didn't want all that voodoo lyin around the business". He smiled proudly at the new building.

"Wh..." Mozenrath uttered, barely able to get his words out. "What is it?"

"Ya mean ya never heard of McDonalds?" The men all stared at him.

"It's only the biggest fast food chain in America".

"It's gonna make big money here".

"You bet".

"A fast food chain?" A twisted look formed in Mozenrath's eyes. "You destroyed my citadel for _a fast food chain_?"

"W- well now", started a now terrified Billy. "You can always work here! Ya won't even have ta apply! Minimum wage should make fer a nice livin here! Ya... ya..."

Manical laughter slowly began to rise in Mozenrath's throat sending a crowd of construction workers fleeing quickly for their lives, but not quick enough for the blue lightening like flashes that could be seen from miles and miles away.

Five hours later...

"ARGH!" Mozenrath wailed as he crushed the last skull of the mortals that had dared to step foot on his land... with the exception of Bob. Bob had gotten off easy.

"BOB!" Mozenrath boomed.

Bob the Mamluck nearly jumped four feet in the air.

"Man my carriage!"

Bob took off towards the carriage as his new master chewed on a double cheeseburger. He supposed it _was_ rather good... He looked down to see an older woman in a chef's hat crawling past him. He took her by her collar. "Did you make this?"

"Y-yes", the the woman squeaked, preparing to be pulverized.

Mozenrath smirked, a new idea formulating in his head. "Then you, my dear, have nothing to worry about".

* * *

I basically know where this is going, but if you have any suggestions, they are always welcome.


End file.
